Do your meetings involve discussing real questions or are you constantly dodging the real issues? Find out how to make your next meeting a 'real conversation.'

After an hour of raised voices and discussing five different topics that all pretended to be the same issue, the partners sighed with an odd mixture of new tension and relief. Finally, Paul dared to speak the unspoken to Tim, the CEO.

"Tim, I, for one, am tired of the blustering and beating around the bush," Paul said. "I may be putting my job on the line, but here's what's up -at least from my perspective: The account services firm that we've subcontracted to is simply not getting our numbers turned around quickly enough. So, we're not getting our answers to you in a timely fashion."

Tim's face turned red and blood vessels began to swell in his neck. His response was paced, and seemed to surprise all in the room, "Go on." With an exhale, Paul continued, "Every one of us knows this vendor was your choice. What's more, it was to be our saving grace in terms of clear data for expedient and effective decisions.

"I won't speak for the group, although I bet I could. What I know for myself is, until this moment, I was not going to speak ill of something you seemed so clear on." The heads of others on the leadership team began to nod in agreement -Paul was not alone.

As bodies shifted in their chairs, Tim's eyes swept the room, "Is there more?" Jason, the youngest of the team, joined Paul hesitantly, "Well, I know what scares me even more about raising this issue is that I don't want to sound like some sort of victim with a bunch of excuses," he added. "My choice with the delays I've been dealing with has been to suck it up, and do the best I could without guidelines we'd all expected. The guidelines that we were told we'd have. I guess I didn't realize that others in here felt the way Paul did."

Tim added, "Is there anyone in here who disagrees with what Paul and Jason have shared?" In two seconds that seemed like an eternity, a couple of no's were heard. With pursed lips, others swung their heads sending a strong signal of agreement as if to say, "What they've shared is real -it's true."

"Well, first of all, my hat's off to Paul and Jason," Tim said. "I'm not particularly happy, and at the same time, thanks for speaking the truth. It's about time." Whatever the team expected, it wasn't this. Tim went on, leaned into the boardroom table, laid his outreached hands on the table and said, "Now we're having the real conversation." His eyes were piercing with clarity. "What action do we need to take to get this turned around now?"

Real Conversations
The issues shared above are not just Tim's just because he's the CEO. No, it's the responsibility of the whole leadership team. And, I'm going to bet that in your restaurant, plant, company, home, etc., something similar often takes place.

What does it take to feel safe enough to have the real conversation? What is the cost to your productivity when the real meetings take place after the meeting? What is the cost to your company, your team, your life, when the real issues are only spoken of during coffee breaks or at the bar?

You might agree with my sense from years in business that the experience we shared in reading about Tim's leadership team happens more often than we care to admit. What seems typical in meetings may be anything from one end of a spectrum to the other. The habit in your company may be pure chaos. For others, silence may be the norm. Either case is simply a mirror that reflects the other. Both are forms of conflict and resistance to varying degrees.

Try This
Are you interested in saving time and money? Interested in creating a high-performing team? I have an exercise for you. Put these steps into use when you're in a meeting, regardless of your role -leader or participant:

Step 1 -If and when you find yourself confused with the energy or direction in the meeting, first be aware. There is a simple action that can be of great use. This action is something Tim, the CEO in our story, alluded to.

Step 2 -Ask yourself, "Wait a minute, what's the real question?" The real question might be hidden behind two, three or four other questions that have been asked by the group working through a myriad of issues or concerns.

Typically, there is a deeper, more core question -one that feels bigger -to be asked that holds all the other questions in a discussion. You may think of the "real" question as one that holds a central theme on which all the others sit:
a. "What's the real statement?" -The real statement is similar to the real question, only in statement form. The real statement is one that the participants in the room may be able to feel, but be very hesitant to speak. Once spoken, the truth has a resonance that is simply undeniable. A hard-to-hear example is, "We're about to run out of cash." The irony here is that when the truth is spoken, rather than run -which is often the fear of leaders -strong leadership teams roll up their sleeves and most times, in my experience, brainstorm and act with a commitment that is often unseen until then.
b. "What's the real issue?" -You and your team may be hashing out various issues, all of which seem critical. "What's the real issue?" as a question cuts right to the core.
c. "What's the real conversation?" -If we've been talking about various issues, what's the real conversation we ought to be having? What's the conversation we could be having instead of this one?

Step 3 -Here's another paradox: you don't need to know the answer. You do need to ask the question of the group. Ask the group:
a. "What's the real question?"
b. "What's the real statement?"
c. "What's the real issue?"
d. "What's the real conversation?"
After asking yourself or the group the questions, notice the shifts. Notice what happens for the group. Heck, notice what happened for you in the moment when you re-read the questions. The very act of "asking the question" gets the conversation to a more "real" place.

I offered some description above, but, you may ask, what's real? What's real is that which is more germane, more pertinent, more hitting the bullseye rather than simply hitting the target.

Can't Hold Back
Imagine the wasted time and energy of not feeling safe enough to have the real conversation in the meeting and talking about the real issue in the moment? I've watched weeks of time go by; hours of work pass with supposedly committed participants holding back, with some reason or excuse for not speaking up.

Does your team feel safe enough to ask the real question? This may be something that, instead of taking for granted, you might want to ask your team sincerely. A real question from me to you is: Can you celebrate hearing the truth, even if it may hurt or feel awkward at first? Can you afford not to?  FAD

Rudy M. Miick, FCSI, president of Miick & Associates, can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it or 720-641-7565.